You are outside, the tablecloth is crisp, white, and a bottle of chilled wine is sitting just at the center.  The sounds of castellano  surround you, mixed with French and English accented Spanish - other languages dance in your ears from more distant tables.  A saxophone adds its melody to the cacaphony of the evening.  The wine confuses the senses, is this Zona Rosa, ¿Dónde estoy? Où suis-je? Onde estou?  Ah, another Friday in Bissau at TaMar. 

Varela - pizza and the beach

About 4 hours from Bissau on the seafront border with Senegal is the charming beach village of only decent get-away from Bissau that requires neither a boat nor a passport.  Do not be fooled, Varela is, for all intents and purposes, a shabby village that is not on the beach but actually a couple of kilometres inland.  It has exactly nothing to do, nowhere to go, except for (1) the beach and (2) Chez Helene, run by you guessed it, Helene Fatima, and her Italian husband.  Which is a major reason to come here.

The rooms are, well, a half-step above camping.  The guests are all people you work with in Bissau.  But the pizza crust is - actually real pizza crust.  Done in a wood-burning oven (as much due to necessity as to a tradionalist approach to baking), the fresh bread in the morning and the pizza for lunch/dinner are the best in the country - and this from someone who lives in Italy (They also have seafood, which was nowhere nearly as good as at "the Senegalese" in Bissau).  Oh, and their pasta is cooked al dente.  But still, have the pizza.  And who cares if your shower was cold. 

PS - say hi to the cows on the beach. 

Rubane - as good as it gets in GB

Just a few hours by boat from Bissau, just across from the island of Bubaque in the heart of the Bijagos Archipelago sits the island of Rubane.  So what, you say?  Were it not for Solange that might be the appropriate question, but as it stands she has brought more stars to accomodation in Guinea-Bissau than you would think possible.  The Ponta Anchaca is an oasis hidden away from the rest of the country - one wonders if many of the guest actually know where they are, given that she brings in most via Senegal (she has years of experience as a hotelier running  La Maison Bleue in Cap Skirring, Senegal).  For the fishers among you, this is your destination.  For the Francophones, you too will be pleased.  Gourmands will be pleased at some meals (the langouste is wonderful, the poulet roti stunning mediocre).  Technophobes, you may be the happiest of all - there is no internet access and spotty mobile coverage.

The bungalows are the most comfortable accomodation in the country, although the prices reflect that.  Be warned of the low tides, however, when your stunning waterfront view becomes a scene of some 1/2 kilometre of mudflats between you and the water.  Beautiful, yes Rubane is.  One of our favorite beaches?  Not by a long shot (Sunja, Playa Blanca in Islas del Rosario, Parque Tayrona, Johnny Cay, Lokrum, the Cyclades, Maratea, Porto Selvaggio... need we continue?)

That said, if you are in need of a boost of luxe, & can't make the flight to connect through Lisbon, this is your best (only?) option.

Hotel Lodge Ponta Anchaca
Ile de Rubane
Archipel des Bijagos
Tel (Senegal) +221 33 993 5161
lamaisonbleue@orange.sn

Guinea-Bissau

Located in west Africa between Senegal and Guinea-Conakry, this sliver of a country ranks way down the UNDP Human Development Index, and has basically no infrastructure to speak of.  On the upside, the population of around 1.5 million is generally friendly, and the outlying beaches are largely unspoilt (which means no people and no facilities, with the exception of the oasis that is Rubane).

One difficulty is that English is less than helpful; French is the most useful foreign language, and it isn't so useful either.  Portuguese is really the only thing that you can use to be understood, with a few exceptions at some (not all) restaurants.  Pick up a Portuguese phrasebook before arriving; you won't find one for sale here.  You can, however, get lessons if you are going to be here for a time - Check with Portuguese Cooperation, who, unsurprisingly, have a rather large presence.

The international community is, not surprisingly, primarily Lusophone, with Spaniards and French pulling in at second and third it would seem.  Along with the UN integrated mission, the EU - particularly Portugal - is rather visible, along with the embassies of Brazil and Angola.  Although not really present on the social scene, China is a big player, having built the new Parliament and stadium and currently building the new government building on the way to the airport (the style of all three is unmistakably free-gift-of-the-Chinese-Government).

Along with your cotton and/or linen clothing, make sure you bring a small flashlight to carry after dusk, as there are few lights and a number of "obstacles" including uncovered manholes, seriously unmaintained roads that were last paved when it was still a colony, and sidewalks that make the ones in Bogota look level.  Also, make sure you get your cholera vaccination (not to mention yellow fever and all the rest).

If you have any particular high-end personal goods you favor, bring those as well.  You can of course find soap, shampoo, etc. in the "supermarkets" but there is not a huge variety, Garnier is about at up-market as it gets, and the prices can approach twice what you pay in Europe (as all of it is imported - even the water).  Drink the bottled water.  Always.

Guinea-Bissau: Bissau city

This sprawling capital of some 300,000 inhabitants is located on what you may have perceived to be the Atlantic when you looked at the map, but is actually a relatively unattractive river delta.  In other words, not a beachfront town.  With infrastructure not being one of Bissau's selling points, don't expect too much in the way of paved roads (only a handful), or streetlights after dusk.  What it does have are several surprises in the dining sphere - assuming the food is more important than the setting.  With everything being close, getting around is not too much of a problem, although the Editor was repeatedly told (in the same sentence often) "Bissau is very safe," and "Don't walk around after dark."  Hmmmm - I'll let your security office be the final judge of safety - not my sphere of expertise.

Restaurants

O Bistro
+245 320 600
"The Bistro" is one of Bissau's hidden surprises.  This small Belgian restaurant and bar, with its apparently random location a few blocks behind the Cathedral, is possibly the most pleasantly designed restaurant in Bissau (think colonial-era chic, complete with small veranda on which to prendre une verre.  Given that the Belgian owner - a 23 year resident of Guinea-Bissau - is also in the construction business, the above average design should come as a given.  The pizza is consistently referred to as the best in Bissau, although having just arrived from Italy, the Editor was unable to concur (the pizza at Chez Helene in Varela is significantly better).  However, the fish and other dishes  are solid, and they have Chimay ale and a few other Belgian brews. All in all, a very pleasant spot for dinner or drinks.  Closed Sunday.

Oporto
+245 662 2417
Popular Portuguese restaurant across from the entrance to the Hotel Coimbra (not the restaurant entrance).  It lacks charm (it is a big covered cement terrace with a big flatscreen TV), but the food is ok, and it is a big draw for watching football (soccer) matches.  Decent steaks, and the chocos grelhados (grilled enormous squid) are recommended.  Better than average espresso (for Bissau). Free wifi. Closed Monday.

Coimbra
Entrance just to the side of the Cathedral at the back of the hotel to which it belongs, Coimbra offers a 7500 CFA international buffet (pasta, salads, and a fish, meat and vegetarian selection) wht includes (not unlimited) Portuguese table wine.  Try not to fill up before you remember they have the best desserts in town. 

Chez Ami
"The Senegalese place" or "the tiger prawn place" is a welcome surprise. What appears to be a screened-in ramshackle shack set off the street behind another building will not impress you upon arrival.  However, the grilled bica (sea bream) and the tiger prawns are absolutely amazing.  Also, the grilled beef kebabs and the chicken cafriela are also worth ordering.  Also, the plats du jour run around 3000CFA and are generally quite good, particularly Tuesday's Thiebou diene.  On the drinks side, the bisap (a sweet cold rosehip tea) and the Senegalese beer Gazelle are both good finds.  On the street parallel to A Padeira and Ponto de Encontro and one block towards the UN/away from the main road running to the airport.  (look for the Orange mobile logo).   

Ta Mar
Located in the old Portuguese quarter, TaMar is most popular on Friday evenings, when there is live jazz/African fusion.  The bica (sea bream) or linguado (sole) are both ok, although the anorexic chicken is a miss. Pretty decent caipirinhas as well, to be enjoyed whilst listening to music as you sit at a table literally plunked down in the middle of the deserted street. 


A Padeira Africana

Slow and rather pricey for Bissau (you can run up a US$20/person lunch quickly), this place is still recommended for its daily lunch specials (CFA5000, except the larger Sunday plate at CFA8000).  For after lunch coffee, however, go next door to Ponto de Encontro as A.P.A has some of the worst brew ever tasted.   

Cafes, etc.

Ponto de Encontro
just off Rua Rui Djassi at the back of old stadium
Cafe and snack bar, "the meeting point" offers decent espresso (do NOT order the capuccino however), and a few ok sandwiches and other minors plates as well as post-conflict omelettes (you know what we mean).  Convenient to the UN building and even more convenient for some of those from Portuguese Cooperation.   

Dias i Dias
Praca dos Herois Nacionais
This Portuguese cafe and pastry shop will become one of your main stops, even if it does offer a view of the bombed out Presidential palace across the rather desolate Plaza of National Heroes (what is that monument?).  Decent cafe lattes, espresso, Portuguese pastries and breads, and pretty good ice cream (the limon is recommended).  Avoid it from 3-5, as the sun beats down on the patio unmercifully at that time. 

Centre culturel Franco Bissau Guineen
Praca Che Guevara
Aside from the expected cours de francais, the Centre culturel has a quiet cafe tucked back off the street with decent espressos and the sounds of French replacing those of Portuguese.  For those who find themselves more francophone than lusophone, this might be your peaceful retreat after the day. 

Baiana
Praca Che Guevara
With the colorful terrace, Latin music, and the grilled chicken, it could be a nice place, which is why it pains me to suggest this is not a place you should go - the one and only weekend evening the editor visited there were over 14 "professional" women very prominently seated - they seriously outnumbered other guests (johns?).  Highly likely this place would (or should) be on the "ban" list for many a mission.  If looking to avoid the appearance of impropriety, you might wish to take your business elsewhere.    

Hotels/Accomodation
The three most central hotels in the city are all very close to each other, and in fact two have the same owner.  Coimbra is definitely the nicest (and priced accordingly), with Ancar a second and its sister Sol Mar (located on a different side of the same block) pulling in at third.  The Bissau Palace, on the way towards the airport near the offices of the BCEAO, is perhaps in some ways nicer, but also surreal (by way of example, it is - according to its PR - built in the former Parliament building). 

Coimbra
Av. Amicar Cabral (just to the left when facing the Cathedral)
+245 213 467
The poshest of the downtown hotels, popular with the EU and some UN staff, the Coimbra has also has the city's only spa, and prices to match.

Hotal Ancar
Av. Osvaldo Vieira 10
+245 320 7633
Mostly consistent water and power (only 2 nights without water in 6 weeks here), with clean new rooms (save the bathrooms - not so new), A/C, friendly staff and a decent (cold) breakfast buffet.  The Sol Mar has the same owners as the Ancar (and same website), and although a bit more dated than its sibling it costs a bit less.  Both have wifi, electricity, and water (usually). 

Miscellaneous

Pharmacie Salvador
This francophone pharmacy is located on the main street running from the ANP (Parliament) to the main Plaza of National Heroes just before the old stadium.